[11:56am]
A few months ago, a well-known football player came into the club the night after he made headlines for being involved in a physical altercation with his supposed girlfriend, a bisexual reality whore. He was flanked by a plastic beauty who insisted they were “only friends” while making out with him, and his entourage consisting of his manager, his cousin, and some average-looking crazy Asian girl who had some sort of special relationship with his manager, I think. They sat in a veiled area and didn’t buy many dances, although I gave one to the Asian girl and half of one to the football player before Plastic got jealous and took over. According to dressing-room gossip, the cousin used to have a crush on Naughty, but she had a boyfriend and nothing ever happened. Mel assigned me and another girl to tend to their group and ply them with alcohol (only brought out for the big guns as we are legally a juice bar), and at the end of the night I gave my number to the cousin when he requested it. (I never do that, but — hello! — this guy is famous and really rich and could hook me up with free tickets to games. And it’s Long Distance Boyfriend’s favorite team.)
This entry sounds like a blind item from NY Daily.
Anyway, I got a text message about a month ago from the cousin, asking if I could come meet them at some bar. Being that at that particular moment I was in pajamas eating Chinese food on my couch and watching Law & Order, with 2 days worth of stubble on my legs and waiting for a call from LDB, I declined. I think I said I was in the library. Anyone who knows me knows that if I claim to be in the library, it usually means I am eating something unhealthy on my couch, haven’t washed my hair in a week, and am altogether too slovenly to be seen in public.
At 11:30 this morning, I got another random text from the cousin:
“What u up to?”
Me: “Bored workin my 9 to 5 u?” [I don't usually text like a grammatically-impaired 13-year-old, but I didn't want to seem snooty and my guess is that eloquence is not really valued by someone who happily lives his life tending to the needs of his cousin's overinflated ego.]
Him: “Chillain. [Insert name of football player here] said u should come by”
Him: “Didn’t know u did a 9 to 5″
Me: “Haha ya engineer by day stripper by night, nights r more fun tho” [LIE.]
Him: “Wow. Impressive. Might have to date u”
Me: [5 minutes later] “:)”
There is no point to this story other than that people are weird. Last time, I told Long Distance Boyfriend about it because I thought he’d think it was funny and also it’s “his team” that this guy plays for, but he just got jealous. Well, I think it’s funny. And I also think since it’s this guy’s contract year and he has been sucking lately, he should probably stop telling his cousin to bring strippers over and focus on football. But I’m still ok with scoring free tickets, should they offer.
